Most Russians don’t get married in a church. Instead, the ceremony takes about 15 minutes, and is done in the courthouse. More specifically, it’s called ZAGS (Registry of Civil Status Acts). In order to destroy the church, the Soviet government took many aspects of religious life and shifted them to the State. As such, the ceremony in ZAGS, while it doesn’t mention God, is basically a religious ceremony, covering many of the same themes.
The ZAGS in St. Petersburg where Kostya and Katya were married is a beautiful old palace on the banks of the Neva. The ceremony involves two witnesses, one each from the bride and groom’s side - I was Kostya’s. The witness don’t have a lot of formal duties, but they should help with the preparations for the wedding. I was out of the country, and so much of what I should have shouldered was done by Kostya. In fact, I messed up one of the few things that I did have to do. In the morning, Kostya took off early for ZAGS by car, and I was to take his family there by metro. Well, halfway there, I get a call, “Owen, do you have the rings?” After a quick check, “uh, no, they’re in my backpack in the apartment, and I don’t have the keys.” Kostya had to drive all the way back to let me in. Interestingly, the preparations for the wedding have been full of difficulties followed by unexpected blessings. We were definitely running late by the time Kostya met me at the apartment, but God cleared a way for us on the way back to ZAGS as we basically hit nothing but green lights.
The only people in attendance at ZAGS besides the withesses were immediate family. The ceremony takes place in an chamber that is a combination office and waiting room. A woman presided, and it was apparent she does this a dozen times a day. The spiel was smooth and well-oiled, if at times robotic - though I’m sure she meant what she said. Kostya and Katya signed a document and exchanged rings. The other witness and I also signed a document - hopefully that doesn’t obligate me to something unexpected!
Since the ceremony was on New Year’s, and because the ZAGS stop is mostly a formality for believers, the rings came off and we set out for some errands. The parents went back to the apartment to prepare for New Year’s, and a feast was had that evening. Kostya later told me that though he had worn the ring only for a few minutes, after taking it off he felt like something was missing.
This is where the wedding story ends for most Russians. Kostya and Katya, however, are Christians, so the most important was yet to come. The religious ceremony was held at St. Peter’s Lutheran Church on Nevsky, right in the middle of downtown. The ceremony would have been recognizable to any American, though they decided to add in communion as well. Many Russians, however, have never seen a church wedding, and a group of tourists were lucky enough to pass through the sanctuary just as the bride was walking down the aisle. You can see them in the picture, up in the bleachers. Incidentally, this church was used as a swimming pool by the Soviets. So Kostya and Katya’s wedding was an act in the continuing process of reclamation and rededication.
After the ceremony, the bride and groom drove around the city, taking pictures at places of interest (Strelka, Spas na Krovi, etc.), and the rest of us headed over to the banquet. The setting was intimate and meaningful - the café of the Christian university where Kostya studied when he first moved to the city. Wishes were said, I gave my Best Man’s speech. Games were played, songs were sung. Gorko was shouted.
There is a Russian wedding tradition that when the people at the banquet start shouting “Bitter, Bitter!” (Gorko), the newlyweds are supposed to kiss. And not just a peck, but a full on snoging. Honesty, it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I grew up in an environment that looked down on public displays of affection. I know it’s a wedding, but still. It would definitely be awkward for me - though perhaps I’d feel different in the moment. A Russian friend of mine, however, said that she would definitely feel unsatisfied if they didn’t do it at her wedding. Kostya decided to add in some American traditions as well - the first dance was held to “Nothing Else Matters,” and he carried Katya over the threshold of their apartment on the way home.
All in all a great time was had by all. You can check out pictures of the wedding here or at Facebook.
Here are a few of my favorites:
