Lex Libertas

Over the past three years, I have noticed a marked increase in the complexity and attractiveness of the New Year’s decorations around St. Petersburg. As a quick recap, everything that we in the West have for Christmas, the Russians have for New Year’s - lights, trees, presents, and an old guy in a red suit. Though the Russians have added Snegurochka, a nubile young female who dresses in blue and accompanies her “grandfather,” Ded Moroz. There are numerous versions of Snegurochka’s story, but being a Russian character, it rarely ends well.

Since I have far more friends in St. Petersburg than Moscow, I decided to go up there last weekend to celebrate. Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January, though most of them know about the 25th of December, which they refer to as “Catholic Christmas.” Most Russians don’t know about Protestantism, and assume all non-Orthodox Christians are Catholics. Though you can’t really fault them for that distinction, after three generations of Communist rule, most Russians don’t even know anything about Orthodox Christianity, much less the intricacies of Western Christianity.

I celebrated Christmas Eve at the church I used to go to in St. Petersburg. They put on a nice show that included music, theatre, and the testimonial of the worship leader. Russian identity, especially in the aftermath of the Soviet Union, is a very interesting topic. The identity of a Russian who becomes Protestant is complex, to say the least. For Catholics, Christmas is the 25th, period. For Protestants, however, it is much more fluid. Tradition would dictate the 25th, but there are no hard and fast rules. Celebrating on the 25th or the 7th are both possible options, and the choice says something about the person’s self-identity. Most Protestant churches and individuals get out of this dilemma by celebrating on both dates.

This is all background to say that the seasonal decorations are the same. If you grew up in a Slavic country, you’ll walk around and think “Oh, the New Year’s decorations are up.” And if you grew up in the West, you’ll notice the “Christmas” decorations. I would say that the single biggest achievement over the past few years has been the use of colored lights of various shades to illuminate trees. In short, walking around the city was a very pleasant experience.

The fountains at Moskovskaya are turned off and covered in lights.

The square in front of the Russian Museum.

A closeup of the square.

I was standing in the entryway to church on Sunday, when an elderly woman approached me. In her hands was a stack of paper. She explained that it was a list of prayer requests, and asked if I would be willing to spend a half-hour each day praying for various members of the church. It was my first time at this church, and the list of requests looked daunting in Russian. I started to explain that I wasn’t a native speaker, and that I might have difficulty understanding the lists. She asked where I was from, and I responded America. A Protestant church is one of the few places where I can confidently expect a positive response to that.

Her expression immediately changed, and she grabbed my wrist. She said that if I saw Billy Graham she wanted me to thank him. As she related the story of his crusade in 1992, her eyes welled up and her voice wavered. Graham rented out the Olympic stadium, and she came and heard him preach. Fifteen years later, and she is still moved to tears. In the time since she has probably seen many more missionaries come to Russia, but I am undoubtedly the first American that she has been able to speak to without a translator. Finally given an outlet to express her deep gratitude, I became a stand-in for Billy Graham and the organizers of the 1992 crusade.

I didn’t know how to respond. Here was a sixty-something year old woman pouring out a deeply personal story of her coming to Christ, and asking me to thank a man that I will likely never meet. I fumbled for words and said something about the growth of Protestantism in Russia and how much progress has been made in fifteen years. Feeling an insufficient response to her heart-felt plea, I then assured her that if I see Billy Graham I will thank him for her. I intend to follow through.

It’s highly improbable that I will meet Billy Graham, but not unlikely that I will one day meet his son or grandson. In the case that I do, I will relate this woman’s story. It will be twice removed from the original people involved, but hopefully still hold its meaning.

I’m in the process of switching over to Word Press, primarily because my comments have been broken for the past two years. It’s going to take a while, and in the meantime, I’m going to be posting each entry both here and on a Live Journal page that I created especially for this.

If you are interested, please go over and start commenting, I’ve already posted the cheating entry.

Most Russians will claim that their education system is far superior to the American one. If we are talking about high school, then they are absolutely correct. The average Russian high school senior would easily wipe the floor with an average American senior in a discussion on any given topic, from literature to history to science. There are several reasons for this.

First, Russia follows the European school of thought when it comes to education. Pupils are meant to be imbued with a large body of knowledge. Americans don’t have this background and subsequent repositories of information. Second, American schools have succumbed to the touchy-feely hippy paradigm that children are fragile, and we shouldn’t damage them by hurting their feelings. Making standards and expecting students to meet them only sets them up for failure and gives them low self-esteem. Russians don’t care how you feel about your results on the exam. If you do poorly, you suffer the consequences. Interestingly, Russian youth often tell me that the smart people are actually well-liked in Russian high schools. In American schools, of course, they are the social rejects. Being smart is a curse, and you would do well to try and hide it. If you show any interest in learning whatsoever, you are completely shunned. It’s difficult for me to comprehend, but apparently Russian high schools aren’t like that.

Keep in mind that this all applies to high school. I received my Master’s at one of the most prestigious universities in all of Eastern Europe, Saint Petersburg State University (SPBGU). It is President Putin’s alma mater, and always raises an eyebrow when name-dropped. Though, sometimes, older people won’t recgonize it unless you use its old title, Leningrad State University (LGU). In fact, as part of his KGB duties, Putin was in charge of vetting the foreign students at LGU. Along with bad food, boring professors, and departmentally sponsored parties at nightclubs, cheating is a time-honored tradition at Russian institutions of higher learning.

What only a few intrepid Americans have accomplished in cheat sheet mastery is second nature for Russian university students. Almost every student that I know makes these cheat sheets (шпаргалки - shpargalki), and the amount of info that they cram on tiny pieces of paper is awe-inspiring. Though the better students will often claim that they make them “only because doing so helps you study for the test and memorize the notes,” which is undoubtedly true. As I was writing this entry, a friend instant messaged me that she was preparing for an upcoming exam, by making shpargalki. The students are brazen about making them, and the professors all know. In fact, they probably had them when they were students. When walking around the faculty on exam day, on the ledge of every window are discarded shpargalki from the day’s exams. I was once sitting at the faculty cafeteria, which is in the center of the building and a main stop for professors and students, and saw two girls preparing their cheat sheets for the upcoming exam. They were doing a field test run-through, slipping the tiny papers into any part of their clothing that would both contain them and provide easy access during the exam - pockets, sleeve, cuffs, etc. The most creative was when she slid the paper into her bra. And yes, extremely low-cut tops, especially if well-endowed, are appropriate attire for exams.

This isn’t my picture, the girl I saw didn’t sew it into her shirt, but actually slipped it between her breast and bra. A mesmerizing sight.

In addition to cheating on exams, an enormous number of students copy class papers from the internet. I’m sure that it happens in the states, but here it seems almost everyone does it. I can’t tell you how many times a shocked student will ask, “you mean you actually write the paper yourself!?!?” In fact, often they’ll download something and turn it in without ever actually reading it. They’re not too afraid of getting caught, usually the professor doesn’t read the paper either.

This is an ad for books containing premade shpargalki and essays.

Just so I don’t pour all the blame on the students, though they are certainly deserving, some of the professors have their own version of cheating. University professors often make only a couple of hundred dollars a month. This is clearly not enough to live on. Some make up for it by teaching at multiple universities, others by working side jobs as consultants in various fields. Still others decide to fleece money from their students. Some will straight up allow you to give them money for a good grade. It doesn’t happen during the exam, of course, but beforehand. This option is for those who want to take the easy way from the start.

For the students who don’t want to bribe, but try to study their way to a good grade, some professors can pressure them using the exam system itself. If you fail an exam, you are allowed to retake it within the same finals period. A friend once failed the first time, and upon arriving on the assigned day for the retake, was told by the professor that she had to pay an administrative fee. She asked where to go pay, and the professor responded that there was no need to take time and go to the office. If she would give him the money, he would take care of it for her. Unhappy, but aware of what was going on, she grudgingly handed over the cash.

In fact, this bribing even goes beyond the professor to some of the administrators. At the state university, there are two kinds of students. Paying students (платники - platniki) and scholarship students (бюджетники - byudzhetniki). Those on scholarship don’t have to pay tuition, get a free place in the dorm, and a monthly stiped (pathetically small, around $30 a month). In order to enter a Russian university, you have to take an entrance exam. In theory, the people with the highest scores on the exam are given scholarships. The proportional number of these spots vary by the faculty to which you are applying. My faculty, International Relations, has a relative low number of scholarship students, whereas the Eastern faculty has a higher percentage (Asian languages and cultures, think the old usage of the word “Orient”). Several people, however, have told me that everyone pays something. Even many scholarship students probably paid someone along the way to get on the scholarship list.

Don’t get me wrong, Saint Petersburg State University is a fantastic center of higher learning. Some of the best and most intelligent professors of my academic career taught in the Master’s program. The majority of students from SPBGU that I met are at least as smart, and many smarter, than people at my own alma mater, UCLA. That said, cheating is an endemic and systemic problem at all Russian educational institutions, in a way unimagined in the US. As with many things here, the main problem is that the people just don’t care to change it. They all know it’s a bad system, but it’s always been this way, and what can one person do?

Current cheat sheet technology

A glimpse into the future

The congressman who is to become the chair of the House Intelligence Committee cannot answer the most basic of questions about Al Qaeda and Hezbollah!

When asked by CQ National Security Editor Jeff Stein whether al Qaeda is one or the other of the two major branches of Islam — Sunni or Shiite — Reyes answered “they are probably both,” then ventured “Predominantly — probably Shiite.”

That would be like a British Minister thinking that the IRA was a predominantly protestant ogranization!! Or saying that the Soviet government was predominantly capitalist. I wonder if he knows whether the PLO is made up predominantly of Jews or Arabs! Does he know that Hammas and Hezbollah are separate entities, with differing political aims? Does he even know what Hezbollah or Hammas are?

Asked to describe the Lebanese militant group Hezbollah, Congressional Quarterly said Reyes responded: “Hezbollah. Uh, Hezbollah,” and then said, “Why do you ask me these questions at five o’clock?”

Hezbollah is such a basic factor in today’s intelligence that if you called Representative Reyes at 2am and asked about it, he should be able to respond before he even understood where he was or what was going on. If he doesn’t know the most simple details about the biggest threat facing America today, how can he possibly lead the intelligence committee in this complicated time.

If you thought that Bush was a “colossal failure,” hold onto your seats. With leaders like this, we’re in for a ride!

Fergie is, bar none, the most musically offensive artiste I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. Her absurd lyrics and caustic sounds combine to form something far worse than either could accomplish on their own - the product of some strange, hellacious synergy. While I’m flattered to know that I make her want to go down every time I come around, her abrasive cacophony keeps me at bay.

Forget the emancipation of dissonance, this is the abolition of quality. I can’t imagine why anyone would enjoy someone repeatedly yelling “Shut Up” as not only the refrain, but the entirety of a song. It reminds me of the equally assaultive dance hit from last year, “F*** You.” I cut the Euros some slack here, they don’t know what they’re listening to. But I was truly shocked to learn that this tripe had infected America.

I’m often asked by Russians to translate lyrics from American songs, and “My Humps” is a crowd favorite. I try to convey what a “hump” and a “lump” are. The female form is perhaps the most beautiful form in nature, as several millenia of randy artists will attest, and I take offence at it being put in the same lexical field as such adjectives. In fact, Fergie should seriously consider having her lumpy humps examined by a health care professional.